


tabula rasa

by rudderless in an ocean of stars (indelibly_ellie)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dollhouse Fusion, Angst, F/F, F/M, Family, Feels, I'm Sorry, Love, M/M, May contain triggering material, Pain, Rating May Change, Sacrifice, Sanvers - Freeform, SuperCorp, Tragedy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, WinnMon, this is gonna hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:39:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8495818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indelibly_ellie/pseuds/rudderless%20in%20an%20ocean%20of%20stars
Summary: who can we become, when we no longer wish to be ourselves? what remains when we are hollowed?Alternate Universe- Dollhouse





	1. i. sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> The Dollhouse!AU you didn't know you needed.
> 
> I'm apologizing in advance for the pain I'm about to inflict upon you.
> 
> (Edit- I realize not all of you may be familiar with the premise of the Dollhouse, so:
> 
> The Dollhouse is a fictional business run by the Rossum Corporation (in this fic, the Luthor Corporation) in the Joss Whedon show of the same name. There are Dollhouses in cities all over the world, and each one uses Actives/Dolls for various purposes. The wealthy and privileged can purchased Dolls to use for short periods of time to fulfill their 'Fantasy.' Each doll signs a contract, typically worth five years of service, and is completely wiped of their original personalities. These personalities are stored on a hard drive for reimplantation at the end of the five-year term.
> 
> In the blank, 'tabula rasa' state- literally translated into 'blank slate'- each Active is given a military designation as a code name. Echo, Sierra, Victor, Whiskey, November, etc. In this state, they live at the Dollhouse, where their every need is taken care of- the Dollhouse is like a luxury spa, and they are offered a multitude of activities during their free time, from painting and massages to swimming and yoga. They are like children in this state, cleansed of negative thought and cruelty. They are sweet, docile, and calm.
> 
> Each Active is also assigned a Handler, who watches over them in both 'tabula rasa' state as well as in the field, when they are no longer themselves, but 'Imprints', basically brainwashed into becoming whatever was ordered for the task at hand.
> 
> There is a deep, implicit trust that the Active has with their Handler, which is initiated by the call and response phrase after they wake up from the first wipe:
> 
> Handler: Everything is going to be alright.
> 
> Active: Now that you're here.
> 
> Handler: Do you trust me?
> 
> Active: With my life.
> 
> Now, the last part of the script- Do you trust me?/With my life.- can be echoed often, and will produce the same response from the Active, reaffirming their trust in the field.
> 
> Each time an Active is wiped of whatever Imprint they were given for the Fantasy they were required to fulfill, they wake up in 'tabula rasa' and start another call and response instinctively. This one can be fulfilled by anyone around them, not just their handler, with the same effect.
> 
> Anyone: Hello, (name of Active). How are you feeling?
> 
> Active: Did I fall asleep?
> 
> Anyone: For a little while.
> 
> Active: Shall I go now?
> 
> Anyone: If you like.
> 
> In the field, each Active can be recalled by the mention of a 'Treatment', a.k.a. the mind-wipe. The script can vary, but it is usually:
> 
> Handler: Would you like a treatment? / It's time for your treatment.
> 
> Active: (gives some form of assent)
> 
> Other scripts will be introduced as needed.
> 
> Basically, you sign away your life for five years- go to sleep and wake up as though no time at all has passed because you will remember none of it, and live in comfort and luxury for the rest of your life for services rendered.
> 
> Sounds great, right? But then you have to ask- who would sign away their life for five years? Why?
> 
> Okay, that's enough of an intro for now. Enjoy.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena/Kara-centric.

She never meant for it to end this way.

 

Had she known that Kara zor-El was doomed from the moment she stumbled into Lena Luthor at the quad on campus, Lena might have chosen a different path to walk to class that day.

 

But the pages have already been written, the ink has already set, the past cannot be changed and so-

 

_Kara zor-El dies on a Tuesday._

 

Her heart continues to beat, blood continues to pump through her veins, breath continues to flow through her lungs-

 

But Kara zor-El ceases to _exist_ within her own body.

 

Kara zor-El dies on a Tuesday.

 

Echo is born in her place.

 

The process is painful- the initial Treatment always is. 

 

Completely hollowing out a human mind was never supposed to be a painless process.

 

Stripping away someone's soul was never supposed to be easy.

 

She twitches in the chair, limbs jerking as her eyes grow glassy and vacant, the light of the machine around her head almost a halo.

 

From the security monitors in her new office, Lena watches.

 

Watches her body grow still and calm, watches the glow fade and the machine power down.

 

Watches Winn remove the drive labeled _Kara zor-El_ and tuck it into his ever-growing collection.

 

Watches Kara- no, _Echo_ (because that is all she is now, and that is all she will ever be, Kara is ~~dead~~ _gone_ )- look at James Olsen with wide, trusting eyes as he takes her by the hand-

 

_Everything's going to be alright._

 

She smiles back at him, the words automatic, call and response.

 

_Now that you're here._

Eye contact is crucial in forming the handler bond, and Lena knows this, but a part of her still longs to rake her nails down James Olsen's face for the way he holds Kara's- _Echo's_ \- unflinching stare.

 

_Do you trust me?_

 

Lena wonders when trust became a commodity, marvels at how easily Winn can program a brain to give it away without hesitation.

 

_With my life._

 

She says it so sweetly, so surely, and Lena finds herself unable to suppress the laughter that bubbles in the back of her throat. The sound is cruel- harsh and foreign to her ears. 

 

Lena laughs-

 

_Is there even a life to give away?_

 

-and pours herself another drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this was inspired by the casting of Dichen Lachman (Sierra/Priya) as Roulette.
> 
> No, I have no regrets.
> 
> Yes, future chapters will reveal more about how Lena and Kara got themselves into this mess, and will contain more characters from the show as their Dollhouse counterparts. 
> 
> Leave a review, house a displaced alien from a dead planet.


	2. ii. good intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter may contain triggering material.

Maggie Sawyer has never been one to scare easily. There's a reason she was able to tolerate over a decade in the Violent Crimes Unit.

 

_Do you trust me?_

 

Brown eyes, warm and wide and impossibly _vacant_ gaze back into her own.

 

_With my life._

 

But sometimes, she wonders.

 

"Sierra's art has grown increasingly dark," Helen reports, brow creased with concern. "In all my time caring for the Actives, I've never seen one do anything like it while in tabula rasa." 

 

The recreation specialist holds up a canvas for Maggie's inspection- and Maggie finds herself working hard to appear neutral, to suppress her shivers as cold fingers trace the length of her spine at the sight of the ghoulish painting.

 

Perhaps 'dark' is too simple a word to describe it.

 

What would drive a woman to relinquish her body, to surrender her mind, her freedom- her _soul_ \- willingly?

 

In the depths of the nightmare scene in front of her, she finds something of an answer.

 

She wishes then that she had never wondered.

 

(When the truth is revealed to her, when the entirety of _Alex_  is unveiled, hurt and raw and _broken_...

 

She regrets ever asking.)

 

* * *

 

Maggie Sawyer has never been one to scare easily.

 

But the hollow, brutal pain that radiates from Sierra- no, _Alex's_ \- eyes, as she rocks back and forth in a corner of the darkened room, covered in blood, whimpering...

 

That leaves her _terrified_.

 

"She doesn't belong in the Dollhouse," Winn murmurs, voice laden with guilt.

 

Guilt he _deserves_ , she thinks, for letting his ego blind him to the point where an innocent woman- where _Alex_ \- lost _everything_ for the simple crime of saying 'no' to a man with too many resources at his disposal and far too much time on his hands.

 

Part of Maggie agrees with him, part of Maggie longs to take Alex into her arms and run _far_ and _fast_ to a place where the Luthor Corporation cannot _reach_ them, where Alex can have a real chance to _heal_.

 

But the rationalist in her wins out in the end, and the words that come out of her mouth are the ones she knows she will hate herself for saying. "She does now."

 

And so Alex returns to the Dollhouse.

 

(For the first time, the mention of a 'Treatment' goes unneeded.

 

There is no need to convince the woman in front of her to _submit_ to a mind-wipe, not when she _begs_ for one herself. 

 

Maggie finds it pretty fucking _ironic_.

 

Maggie finds it pretty fucking _sad_.)

 

"If you wake me up again, put me back to where I was a year ago. Skip this day- ignore it or delete it or _whatever_..." She pauses, turns to Maggie with eyes that are now all-too knowing, all-too burdened, and continues, "I don't ever want this _back_ , okay?"

 

She leans back in the chair and Maggie steps forward- whether it's out of her instinct as a handler or the fact that she has grown to care for this woman- for _Alex_ \- in the mere hours that they've had to really know each other, she isn't sure. A solitary tear makes its way down the side of her face as she regards Maggie with a sad smile. "Hold my hand?"

 

"Of course." 

 

Alex squeezes, hard- hard enough to hurt- and something silent passes between the two women, something _sacred_ and _solemn_ and _unspoken,_ and Maggie comes to the sudden realization that she will spend the rest of her life protecting this woman, consequences be _damned_.

 

She moves closer, presses her lips against Alex's dark hair, never breaking their grip on one another, and waits.

 

The machine begins to recline, and Maggie straightens, flashing a confident grin in the direction of her charge.

 

She doesn't look away, not for a second, not even when the desperation in Alex's eyes threatens to drown her alive, because she can't afford to miss this, not a single moment.

 

_(It's all she will have of her, of **this** Alex, before she is wiped away from existence, never to return-)_

 

There is a bright light, a soft whimper, and a final, desperate clench of fingers-

 

and Alex is _gone_.

 

She will never remember this day- never remember this moment, never remember Maggie the way Maggie will remember her- but that's _okay_.

 

Maggie will remember this for the both of them.

 

Sierra sits up, smiling, the half-dried tear tracks on her face already forgotten. "Did I fall asleep?"

 

"For a little while," Maggie replies, blinking away the moisture that gathers in the corners of her eyes and she helps Sierra stand, fingers still entwined.

 

She leads her down the stairs, where two familiar figures sit cross-legged on the floor, awaiting Sierra's arrival.

 

They stand, grinning broadly at their newly returned friend, and step forward, eager and expectant. Maggie allows Sierra to do the same, firmly ignoring the sudden pain that blossoms in her chest as Sierra's hand slips from her grasp.

 

Later that night, staring into a glass of dark amber liquid that reminds her of a pair of hauntingly beautiful mahogany eyes, Winn's words echo in her ears.

 

_I was just trying to help her._

 

Maggie shrugs, downs the liquor in a neat gulp, and slams the empty cup down onto her living room coffee table with a satisfying _thud_.

 

_The road to hell is paved with good intentions._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am a terrible person.
> 
> Any guesses on who was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs? Kara/Echo is a no-brainer, but who do you think Victor is? :) 
> 
> (Don't worry, all will be revealed soon enough.)
> 
> For now, this is the list of characters/counterparts:
> 
> Kara zor-El - Echo, an Active for whom the mind-wipes do not take full effect, allowing her to remember bits and pieces of all the people she has ever been, as well as her original personality
> 
> Lena Luthor - Adelle Dewitt, head of the Dollhouse in LA/National City
> 
> James Olsen - Boyd Langton, Kara/Echo's Handler
> 
> Alex Danvers - Sierra, an Active with a particularly traumatic past
> 
> Maggie Sawyer - Sierra/Alex's Handler
> 
> Winn Schott Jr. - Topher, the man behind the Imprint technology and resident chief programmer
> 
> Please note that I will be changing a lot about these characters, so they will not be exact mirrors of their counterparts. These are just loose designations that I used while writing to assign parts.
> 
> Yes, I will go into detail about Alex's full backstory and the events that led to this scene. For now, I'm just giving you guys little tastes of the characters and their Dollhouse counterparts. For example- Kara and Alex aren't related here, but they still share a sisterly bond within the Dollhouse in their tabula rasa state.
> 
> Leave a review, house a displaced alien from a dying planet.


End file.
